Bodsworld - Motorbikes, track days, crashes, speed traps, pictures, videos, acu, racing

Day 1 Friday 2nd July Miles - 10 Fuel - £16 Well here we are again, another year older and another year wiser - lol yeah right. Tour 2010 started this morning when I saw Craig standing outside my house at 5.15, he's worse than the kids at Christmas. Eventually Billy turned up and has decided to come in fancy dress this year and is impersonating Orville the Duck. Shortly followed by Dave who was on his way home from the Antiques road show and had just found out his shirt was worth more than his bike. Apparently it was a descendent from Henry VIII. Davey was stopped at customs for trying to smuggle extra passengers on board the ferry, it took a lot of explaining that he was simply returning last years flies back to their home. Next Mick and TC turned up and we found out that someone had stolen all Micks hair. TC had obviously been with Dave at the Roadshow and purchased a set of braces, Tommy Cannon would have been proud. Last but not least Terry turned up. He is this years tour virgin (but not after a night in the cabin with Craig and Davey). He'll make the New Tyne Tunnel look small. On the way to the Ferry Craig got so excited he couldn't control himself and started using the indicators instead of the horn, this resulted in him nearly becoming the front spoiler on 2 different cars on the same roundabout, looks like he's setting a trend. We are now propping up the bar on the ferry, A first of many, nice and cheap its only £4 a pint - again, but as a bonus Lemonade is £4.20 - WTF. Terry has found out that the dodgy £20's he bought at the scrap yard are the old type and cant spend them anywhere - looks like he's gonna have to sell his body for cash. 3 grannies later and he's made enough for a pint (but not lemonade).... After being at sea for 7 month, Craig still couldn't score with the only gay in the village, or maybe the only gay in the village couldn't score with Craig, Michael is the youngest member on tour, he is now addicted to Bonjela. Craig even though he was warned nearly as much as Billy was before he jumped in the lake last year insisted in buying Vodka Redbull's a bargain at £25 for 2.... Bill, Davey and Craig managed to make it to bed before the Bingy Bongys this year...only just. The hangover didn't kick in until they were doing 180MPH chasing a Porsche GT3 RS down the autobahn.
















View Home to Ferry in a larger map Day 2 Saturday 3rd July Miles - 422 Fuel - €52 Craig got out of bed this morning and to his drunken horror found his head was on backwards....With great relief Davey pointed out his Tshirt was on back to front. We were gutted that we didn't bring our winter gloves and fleeces. Today was only 38degrees for 422 miles. We have all lost so weight we are now desperately trying to rehydrate with Beer and dead animal. Davey once again donned his dancing shoes after seeing a million strobe lights whilst on the Autobahn. It was only afterwards he realised it was just the speed cameras. Once again we are already on the most wanted list in several countries. In an attempt to deceive the cameras Davey deceived to tray and snap his number plate off, after seeing sense he then tried to re attach it with good old cable ties and sparky tape. Billy had another bright idea which involved driving down the unrestricted autobahn at 70MPH, once he hit the 60MPH Limit it was down 3 gears and nailarise to 186MPH for about 10 miles. For the first time ever we actually we were really pleased to get soaking wet in a torrential downpour. The amazing forked lighting was a bit of a put off while doing 100Mph through the standing water with 10Meters visibility..... At 421 miles of a 422 mile trip Mick got his knee down on the first and only bend of day one on tour It must be his long legs. For one great moment we thought the thunder storm had started again only to find it was Micks Sparky Sliders (Cheers ROO) Dave is gutted to find he is still the Tour Dad, being the oldest on tour buy 6months
























View Ferry to Nurnberg in a larger map> Day 3 Sunday 4th July Miles - 287 Fuel - €38 This morning we successfully navigated out of Nurnberg on our first go we had to stop to recover by having breakfast at the local esso garage. Craig thought his R1 was a DT250 and tried to corner on the off ramp with his foot out. It was the fastest his R1 had ever gone around a bend. Next stop 200miles of AutoBahn.....ok well it was actually 10 miles when Daveys number plate decided it was bored and tried to parachute off the back of his R1. Fortunately several tyraps and some sparky tape later and it was fastened for good and proper to his luggage. The big man in the sky could obviously smell Craigs socks so treated us to a spin cycle on the motorway. Torrential downpour and did we stop to put waterproofs...........er no, first wash this tour. Billy saw the red mist today when a Porsche 911 passed on the motorway, he followed it for 45mins then realised the Porsche driver wasn't seeing the same mist Billy was, Devastated was not the word... Tony brought a new meaning to leaving darkies (technical motorcycling term) on the road by having a rather large pump and soiling his kegs. Looks like Tena Men could be on order. We arrived at the converted Monastery and now understand why the monks do it, THE BEER IS VERY CHEAP 7 pints for under €20, unfortunately Craig and Dave are now locked in the Honeymoon suite in the tower. As normal Craig and Billy waited all day until the restricted speed limit to do a high speed run on there bikes, more than doubling the speed limit on the motorway. Boss Hogg from the Dukes of Hazzard was on patrol today standing at the side of the road with a speed gun, not that Billy and Mick had their eyes closed but they swear blind he wasn't there. The copper was but he was on his arse after being blown away by the sonic boom. Craig has developed dyslexia of the tongue and now calls everyone by the wrong name. He now calls everyone after what he is looking at. We are now called after beer or tabs. Billy got so excited when the love of his live phoned that he lost the ability to hold his mobile and proceeded to fling it across the bar. TC is now starting to fret he still hasn't christened the porcelain telephone. No doubt it will start to ring soon.






























View Nurnberg to Admont in a larger map Day 4 Monday 5th July Miles - 260 Fuel - €38 Today started dark and grim like some some of the gangs heads from the night before. Craig had a sleepless night worrying about being struck by lightening as he and Dave were sleeping in the bridal suite in the tower which had a copper roof. Dave had to cuddle him all night as he was scared. Today the raing has stopped but craig and Dave are still cuddling. We think they are preying for more rain for some reason.... Terry deceided that he wasnt covering enough countires this tour and headed alone to Kasakstan, only after doing 150 Million miles an hour did we eventually find him 8 miles off the route outside a Supermarket called Erotik. Despite the 45Degree heat Bod and TC were convinced we had been riding over sheet ice. The road surface had been polished like a mirror and they had several rear tyre slide - well thats their excuse for arriving last. After consuming the entire town of Admont's beer supply, craigs headache was so bad he tried to play conkers with it and a 40tonne lorry. Craigs head won and now has a two-zer. He is now off to dip it in vinegar, cover it in nail varnish and sit in the airing cupboard. The Austrian polizei heard about Craigs legendary Conker and that he was trying to smuggle it out of the country into Slovinia, so they set up a road bloke about 2 miles from the border. We only made a lucky escape by bribing them with Tic Tac's We arrived at the Digs and Billy thought that last year he didnt quite break his hand enough so driving in our CE approved riding gear and Dave with no number plate we headed for the lake and......its crap, anyone reading this and thinking about coming to the crystal clear beautiful lake....well I wouldnt bother, just leave it to us, We'll come here and then tell you how crap it is ;) Today Billy and Mick actually saw the copper, the fact She was blonde and in a police uniform had nothing to do with it. She had both a truncheon and a gun - but that had nothing to do with it either.
































View Admont to Bled in a larger map
Day 5 Tuesday 6th July Miles - 71 Fuel - €9.90 Craig scored yet again with the only gay in the village, this wasnt helped by Bod pushing between Craig and his new life partner and consequently kissing him on the cheek, the lad couldnt believe his luck. Craig was really upset but it didnt stop him drinking his beer with a pink straw. Mick must have been tired as he fell asleep in the bar last night, when he woke up the bed sheet was missing but he had a hankie hanging out of his bum, you would have thought he had been sharing a room with Craig last night. Slovenia has some of the best biking roads in europe, its just a shame the lads from the town moor tarmac'd them or rather didn't. Blistering heat so we headed for the lake that was 20Km away, but someone nicked it. 60Km later we found a river with a wide on, stopped the bikes and after an appearance from Little Dave we were at the waters edge. First in was Dave and we knew it was cold when even he tured Blue. Everyone went in except for Craig and Mick, until peer pressure and the threat of massive piss taking, did they go in. As we were heading to Bovec it started spitting with Rain, we could see it raining heavy in the distance by the black sky, so we stopped to put on our waterproofs, Well all except Craig, as he knew a magic way to stop the rain getting through his leathers. Dave was so impressed he tired to head butt the post box off the wall. The postbox is now the reigning champion. We headed for food and Beer in Bovec, As it was a Tuesday night the Restaurants were really quiet, When Bod asked if they could seat 7 together, the very rude waitress said NO, Well that was the end of 7 Northerners drinking and eating in there, that will have affected her christmas bonus.
































View Bled to bovec in a larger map>
Day 6 Wednesday 7th July Miles - 179 Fuel - €22 Today started off in Slovenia, then Italy, then Austria, then as we were missing it, we went back to Slovenia, then back to Austria. We now hold the record for amount border crossings in 10 Minutes. Once we got the the hotel we headed for the Lake for a Dip but the lake was so cold is had a iceberg floating in it, well it did according to Davey and Michael. Bod proved them wrong by diving in not once but twice, it was like a instant sex change and only after 3 hours has he regained the use of his voice. On the way back from the lake Davey decided that he should do a slight detour around Austria, on his bike, in shorts after having a beer......without a number plate. fortunately the Polizei didn't spot him. We booked a Taxi to get some food and we actually found out who the stig was. Its a cross between Ronnie Wood (Rolling Stones) and Valentino Rossi. A 2L Diesel Van doing Mach1 down the mountain, It was dangerous the lads even put their seat belts on, A bargain at £28 each way......It was the fastest Terry had been all holiday and Craig in a desperate effort to get his knee down was hanging out the door with his sliders in his hand.
































View Bovec to altaussee in a larger map
Day 7 Thursday 8th July Miles - 220 Fuel - €24 On the way to Cheb we stopped for a drink in a cafe beside the road. For some reason the owner insisted we parked all the bikes in one bay incase the locals turned up, that was fun in full leathers in the sunshine. We were all starving so after stopping at several closed establishments we eventually found one open, once again it was a garage...but it did have extremely good food. We eventually found the hotel after several circuits around the town centre. The hotel was a state of the art affair, well it would have been if the year was 1950.....but we aren't complaining 7 meals and 14 pints came to €58. After we were packing the bikes to leave we could see a couple of guys demolishing a building they were currently standing on, looks like the 1974 health and safety at work act hasn't reached Cheb yet.
















View altaussee to cheb in a larger map>
Day 8 Friday 9th July Miles - 330 Fuel - €42 Today it was hot, in fact it was hotter than hot, it was actually hotter than a hot thing on a bank holiday hot weekend with a bucket full of hotness chucked in. 40 Degrees (yes actually 40) for 5 hours on the motorway in full leathers was a bit of an experience. While we were heading down the motorway we thought a tractor was about to overtake, weird as we were doing 130+ then we realised it was actually Micks bike, a quick stop (well he did have to actually dismantle the bike) at the garage and a top up of oil and it was fine again. As we were going up the motorway Craig pulled again, the guy in the Merc couldn't wait for Craig to stop and tried to mount him at 120+, in fact he had a soft spot for TC as well. While on the Autobahn we were tootling along at about 140ish when we were suddenly overtaken........By a train. TC now wants to trade his bike in and buy a HST apparently they corner like their on rails. Today Bod had his first tour shower by a twat that decided to wash his windscreen on the autobahn, at least that will save him tonight. Craig thought it would be a laugh to let his battery go flat then get Mick in full leathers and scorchio heat to push him for a bump start, Mick nearly had a cardiac arrest, His boots were smoking as much as his back tyre does.













View Cheb to Koln in a larger map
Day 9 Saturday 10th July Miles - 158 Fuel - €16 Last night it was so hot Craig was having a shower while standing still fully dressed in the bar. we all took photos of Niagara Falls coming down Craigs head. We mistakenly parked our bikes in the underground Hilton car park thinking it would be cooler this morning while we packed the bikes, we didn't realise that all the air con units in Europe discharged into the carpark. It was a premonition of things to come. After walking about from bar to bar looking for somewhere cool to drink, we even considered Starbucks as it had aircon, we headed back to the hotel, nice and cool but €6.50 a pint was a bit steep, there again Vodka Redbull was only €19 for 2... Today we had the best tour breakfast yet (Hilton), full English......god we are so stereotypical British its scary. It was freezing today as the temperature plummeted to 36 Degrees we nearly had to put our waterproofs on. Davey didn't want to come home so he decided to stay on tour in Holland a bit longer, he went via Zebbrugge enroute to Ijmuiden, he arrived nearly 2 hours later. We eventually got on the ferry and yet again Craig tapped but this time in the lift, The guy recognised him from the outbound trip and instantly tried to tap him up. hes some sort of Cock magnet. Well thats it, we are in the Bar onboard the Ferry heading back to blighty, another outstanding tour out of the way. Special thanks go to Tour Dad (Davey) for planning the route, and of course for TwatNav for getting us there and back again......just. If you didnt come this year, then like we said last yeah you really missed out - dont let it happen again....Craig start the countdown...354 days to go..





View Koln to Ferry in a larger map