Day 1 Friday 10th July
Miles - 12
Fuel - £9

Well here we are again, A year older and a year wiser (yeah right). A pretty uneventful day started off by Dave gaffer taping his budget carrier bag that he insists is a storm bag for his luggage (even though its got ASDA printed on it - He gaffer taped that bit out). Strangely enough we managed to get to the ferry without falling off or getting a speeding ticket. 

Craig was paranoid about running out of fuel so stopped on the coast road and managed to get a whole 25P in the tank, Looks like 16.9 litres wasn't enough

Bod has invented a new wheelie device which involves strapping loads of luggage onto the back seat of his bike (he'll never learn), still insisting its his camera gear.

Well for a change we are propping up the cheap bar on the ferry....yeah right (£13 for 4 pints) aaah well were on tour....)

Oh yeah and Billy bothered to turn up this time.....Hes decided to stay for 2 weeks to  make up for last year.

Day 2 Saturday 11th July
Miles - 512
Fuel - €51

Last night was a momentous occasion DAVE LEFT HALF HIS PINT....we are now seriously worried about his sexuality and we are going to lock him in the bathroom tonight just incase

Bod and Billy decided that laughing so hard at the entrance to the restaurant that you nearly wee ya pants would be a good idea, The lass running was really impressed.....NOT 

Bill then attached a poster to his foot and goose stepped around the boat before flinging the kids out of the ball pool

Today started and we all wished for a 22mm spanner so we could open the windows on the ferry, after the kids had been dropped off at the pool a 22mm Spanner could have sold for in excess of £100.

9 hours later and we made it to Besancon, Bod wished he had brought a surf board after a torrential downpour and a bow wave of epic proportions at 100+ nearly washed him off the bike.

Craig is now will to pay £2000 for a gel seat....weird he used that excuse for a red raw arse last year as well ;) Dave is getting more and more worried as he and Craig are sharing a double bed tonight

Once again we are on the most wanted list in Holland, Belgium, Luxembourg and France after setting off every speed camera for 500+ miles

Beer is cheap again only £4 a pint....Bargain

Day 3 Sunday 12th July
Miles - 260
Fuel - €46

Today was an easy 260 miles across a couple of big hills (Val D Isere) as it took 10 and a half hours might give you a clue as to how twisty the roads were.

We stopped for a COKE and a passing wasp called Craigs tab a puff so Dave decided to stick a nut on it and guess what the wasp won by stinging Dave right on the bridge of of the nose, the result was Dave found his MOJO and proceeded to ride the wheels off his bike at Mach 1 down the 1st gear hairpins. He is now creeping around the field challenging wasps to a duel.

Bod is really pleased he has thin luggage this year it allows him to scratch 2 cars at once without taking the wing mirrors off while riding along the white line.

Dave and Craig have shed 3 stone while riding along in 32degree heat in Geneva today The bikes were running at 105 with the fans doing overtime :) Underseat Exhausts are a great idea...NOT

Body injuries include
Aching Wrists
Sore Bums (we'll not say how we got them)
Blisters on hands
Aching Shoulders (Bills excuse to get massages off the lads)

Dave has considered cutting his foot off as he thinks this will stop the pain in his big toe, must tell UMBY to leave it alone

We turned up at the hotel at 8.30 to find the restaurant closed at 9....no time for a shower straight for food....weird there seems to be a lot of flies tonight.

Our nice quiet evening has just been spoilt as someone smelt the beer and crawled down the stairs...UMBY has arrived

Day 4 Monday 13th July
Miles - 206
Fuel - €22

Craig inspired by the 2012 Olympics has decided to burn a perpetual torch branded Marlboro. He lit a tab at North Shields and had managed to keep it alight until he jumped into lake Iseo today and it went out. Billy decided that Craig was getting too much attention and dived 7ft into 7inches of water thus smashing himself on the bottom of the lake. He is currently wandering about with a limp wrist....kinda suits him ;)

Flies continue to follow the tour party as we stopped today to admire the cows (for Craig) but we could hardly see them for the black mass of flies.

The TWATNAV behaved itself today and got us to ISEO in Italy in good time. It has been renamed TOMTOM and is today called CRAIGCRAIG. Riding in full leathers in 37 degree heat left a lot to be desired.

We needed to ride a mile so we could swim in the lake, so in T-shirts and shorts we rode the 1 mile. Dave decided that a wheelie 1" away from Bod would be a good trick after all he did have his protective gear on :)

The laptop is playing up so if there are no updates don't worry we are probably still alive

Day 5 Tuesday 14th July
Miles - 131
Fuel - €10

Another freezing cold day...well it was 35ish, we were pleased when it cooled down to 28....yeah 28..... We left Iseo and headed for Livigno. We all braked suddenly thinking it was a red light but it was actually Bods neck.

We thought the hairpin bends yesterday weren't tight enough so we headed up over a mountain pass that Dave choose. The pass quickly turned into a go-kart track....a narrow go-kart track....well kinda a wide path. Hairpins so tight that you had to paddle around them with your feet and in some cases a 3point turn, after all it was only 35+degrees :)

Half way over the pass we came across a oncoming car, for a second Dave thought he was back home and started to ride on the wrong side of the road, the red landrover nearly had a R1 front spoiler....oh how we laughed.

Billy was so close to a BMW Z3 that he could have pinched the badge off the front of it, he even managed to do his hair in the mirror.

Billy rode one handed all the way here today pretending to be riding like a cowboy with a lasso trying to catch BMW wing mirrors.

Craig thought it wasn't good enough just sleeping in a double bed with Dave every night so decided to try mount him while riding up the mountain pass at 90MPH. It took us 20mins just to peel his eyes from his visor. We had to feed Craig 10 tabs to calm him down before he could continue riding. That wasn't enough exciting for Craig, so he tried riding no handed, this resulted in him nearly joining the mile high club

After sweating all day we thought it would be a good idea to drink 5 pints then go for a sauna and a Jacuzzi where things got a little bit heated.....4 Grown men cannot fit in a 1 person Jacuzzi. When we eventually climbed out there was less than a inch of water in the bottom. We tried to contact the Guinness book of records but unfortunately they haven't got back to us yet :(

Craig was having a tab on the balcony and tried to push the dump down between the slats he was standing on.....the person below wasn't so happy

Day 6 Wednesday 15th July
Miles - 149
Fuel - €14

We needed petrol before we left today, A full tank for €6.50...fk me petrol for less than a quid a litre :)

Today we went to the aqua park best known as Stelvio pass, all R1s and 750 GSXr's welcome. It rained more than a little bit. We reached the top of the pass and stopped to put on our waterproofs but Bod decided to not put on his boot proofs. Within 3 KM he had Kielder in his boots and had to stop at the garage to wring his socks out. So we entered the garage at 20Degrees and within 10 minutes it was scorcheo again as the temperature hit 31.....fk me it was hot.

We now know how a submarine captain must feel.

We next headed towards the hotel, to put the rest of the day into perspective it kinda went like this, Bod nearly Splat, Dave nearly Splat, Craig nearly came off..... We stopped for a photo opportunity then set off on the final leg to the hotel. Strange no Billy.......Stopped waiting for him then OH NO, where is he. We set off back up the hill only to see Billy free wheeling at 61MPH down the mountain pass, it was the fastest his R1 had ever gone....His immobiliser got waterlogged and had become stuck on. A quick stop and it was fixed and back on our way

Day 7 Thursday 16th July
Miles - 260
Fuel - €25

Today Billy realised that GSXR's are much better than R1's and so threw his R1 on the floor in disgust much to the delight of the 20 school kids watching. Luckily he only did 10p worth of damage.

Billys has now taken up a new hobby of window licking the German cars on the Autobahn while doing 170MPH, we dont think its going to catch on.

Tonight while drinking 2 Pint glasses of beer in the restaurant Dave tried to chat up the very gay waiter by ordering a different meal then complaining when it arrived. He was sure he ordered something different but we knew it was just a chat up line.

This was not the only time Dave threw his toys out of the pram, he had to wait 10 minutes in the 30+ heat for the petrol pump to come on after going to 3 separate pumps, coats and gloves followed the toys onto the tarmac.

We met a really cool German dude in the garage that was on a really cool bike, doing a really cool bike trip, with his really cool wife, who were both really cool Rossi fans, he liked the really cool helmet cam....he was really cool.

In the Restaurant Bill was a little tiddly and developed tourettes syndrome and proceeded to use every swear word ever
invented this lasted until the Captain told him off. Bill cant remember going to bed that night ;)

In the Pub Bill Decided to test the German beer glasses by chinking them with Craig....Craig won and Bill lost half a pint (of Blood)

Day 9 Saturday 18th July
Miles - 220
Fuel - €28

A quick blast today to the ferry port on the autobahn saw us travelling at 3 miles a minute until out fun was spoilt when we hit Holland.

Craig noticed that there was something going on with Bills bike and decided to ignore it incase he got blamed. 

Bod learnt a now trick today of pulling a wheelie while leant over at 170+ he also learnt that ya bum can go from 5p to dustbin lid in a micro second.

We thought the striped pole at the border was a Ice cream shop, so after throwing the anchor out we pulled 4 massive stoppies into Holland (well we did in our heads anyway)

Craig. Davey and Bill thought it would be a great idea to try and drink the entire contents of the bar. Billy and Craig were drink cheap drinks after all it was only £14.50 for 2 vodka red bulls.

Well that's another tour out of the way. 4 went and for a change 4 returned and we all brought our bikes home :D the only casualties were a small scratch to Billy's fairing and Bods laptop.

If you didn't come this time then you really missed out....don't let it happen again ;) 

Right then where we going next time...Craig start the count down....only 355days to go...

Bod...